Friday, February 16, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

SURPRISE
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Pete Dunne: comes out to a massive ovation You know how this ends.  And you're really going to try it?
Roderick Strong: also comes out to a strong pop Try it?  This is the time I succeed at it.
Both: grapple the other to a stalemate, go for their finisher and fail at it

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 224

PIZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Photo Credit: TH
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

For those who don't know, FMK is the "fuck, marry, kill" game, usually played with three people. It's crude, but it relays certain desires. It's way less problematic when done with food, unless you're one of those kinky mfers who likes foodplay in the bedroom. Note, I am not here to fuck the pizza. In this case, the "fuck" is for pizza I'd enjoy on a fling or once in awhile, "marry" is the pizza that I default to all the time, and "kill" is the pizza I'd throw into the trash.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 4, Issue 7

ROUSEY NEWS!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Today is the most important day of the week. Why? Valentine's Day? NO, that's just a day invented by WWE to honor Greg The Hammer. Ash Wednesday? Pfft, Jesus Christ was a mark. No, it's HORB NEWSLETTER DAY. That's right, PRO WRESTLING SKOOPZ is back with your man HORB FLERBMINBER bringing you the high heat on takes and all the fresh news. Who has the better handle on news? Not Bruce Mitchell, that's for damn sure. HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME ON REDDIT BEING SHOCKED AT KENNY OMEGA'S SEXUALITY.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

No Ethical Consumption in Capitalism: The Wrestling Streaming Debacle

Imagine throwing away all your goodwill over this schmuck, and yet...
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
So, Michael Elgin was found to be badmouthing and harassing a victim of sexual assault from one of his students three months ago, give or take a couple of days. Indie wrestling companies in America lined up to vociferously denounce him and cancel his bookings, even though he still kept working for New Japan Pro Wrestling. Then again, Bushiroad's response to allegations of domestic abuse against Tomoaki Honma was non-existent, so why would it punish Elgin? Anyway, AAW's response to the allegations, that the promotion would not book him until things blew over, essentially, seemed to portend that Elgin would be back on the scene sooner rather than later. And well, if you had money on "sooner," you'd be correct.

The Guy Can Be Funny Sometimes

GET THESE HANDS... ON THIS BASS
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Jim Cornette is a yutz. I can't stress this enough. However, he was a manager during the Jim Crockett Promotions days and booked Smoky Mountain Wrestling, so people pay attention to him when he says the Lucha Underground Temple should be nuked with every worker and fan inside or when he threatens someone for daring to sell for a child. The line "funny don't equal money" is a popular mantra in that comedy acts don't draw. Laughs are for breaks in the action, but the real drama comes with super serious, personal issue-driven feuds, and if you're a top guy, you can't partake in comedic endeavors lest you be labeled a geek.

Monday, February 12, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for February 12, 2018

THE MAN, THE MYTH, LEGEND
Photo Credit: Alex Brandon/AP Photo
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Jason Kelce (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Kelce got dressed up like a mummer, drunk as a skunk, and made the most epic victory speech of all-time. It was such a fuckin' awesome wrestling promo that he should go down to the Performance Center to teach them after his football days are over. If he ever has to buy a drink in Philly, everyone in this city will have failed at life.

2. Asuka (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sasha Banks and Bayley are great wrestlers, but really, they're not competition for Asuka. When's she gonna get someone on her level, like a literal rhinoceros? Nah, even that would be unfair, for the rhino.

3. Mirai Nagasu (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The figure skater was the first American to hit a triple axel, and it was THE thing that the Olympics needed after that shitshow of an opening ceremony. To be fair, the ceremony itself was fine, especially for the shirtless Tongan who wore what he'd wear on a Sunday afternoon on atoll in his homeland to a place with negative degree wind chill. Everyone lost their shit over Mike Pence and Kim Yo-jong watching them from their seats. Look, I don't care about which homicidal world leader you stan for, I really don't. Throw out every world leader and live in communal peace with shared wealth for all I care. But Nagasu hitting that move on the ice? Yeah, that's the stuff.

Don't Look to Wrestling for Your Woke Daddies

Ryan isn't your woke daddy, but no one in wrestling should be
Photo Credit: Mikey Nolan
Joey Ryan is known for two things nowadays: wrestling a style completely based around his penis and speaking up on Twitter on behalf of women wrestlers. It's garnered him a checkered reputation among the wrestling community, but generally, sex positivity and sticking up for women combine to allow anyone to accept the benefit of some modicum of doubt as whether or not they're a decent person. At the very least, it's a breath of fresh air from the rotten garbage that populates the wrestling industry, like noted statutory rapist Chasyn Rance and accused domestic abuser Adam Rose, right? Well, about that...

Friday, February 9, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

This place looks like a tornado trios match just hit it
Photo Credit: WWE.com

ExDragon: ostensibly show up to defend their championships
SAnitY: jump them from behind
Pier 6: ensues, won by the ex champions
Regal: Enough!  This ends tonight — in a tornado match!
SAnitY: yesssss gooood
the Era: uh, first of all, how dare you

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 223

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES
Photo Credit: Getty Images
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

I'm going to let these guys handle it:



go birds

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 4, Issue 6

Jordan has neck issues
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So, are all you REPROBATES and BELLENDS done celebrating the Super Bowl? Huh? HUH? I know Holzerman isn't, that motherfucker. He still stinks of Victory Golden Monkey and horseshit. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING ALL THAT HIGHFALLUTIN' STUFF. Only rat vomit and Jeppsen's Malort for your newsmaster, HORB FLERBMINBER. That's right, I'm DRUNK ALL THE TIME, not just when some shitty football team finally stops being shitty long enough to win something. BESIDES, I'M A FAN OF THE DECATUR STALEYS. It's hard to be disappointed with a team that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.

The 2017 TWB 100 Epilogue: My Ballot

Dakota Kai was one of my votes who didn't make the list this year
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Another TWB 100 is in the books, and despite the lower voter turnout, I consider it a success. Honestly, I don't care if ten or 10,000 people vote; the point is to get people thinking about the wrestling they watch in a critical manner. I feel like the fact that nearly 75 percent of ballots had 100 wrestlers on them and the width and breadth of wrestlers voted for is as much a signpost for success as the number of voters. Anyway, I shall close the festivities this year as I do most years, with my own ballot, with blurbs of varying lengths for wrestlers that did not appear on the final list:

1. Johnny Gargano
2. Zack Sabre, Jr.
3. Jimmy Uso
4. Jey Uso
5. Braun Strowman

Monday, February 5, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for February 5, 2018

The play of the game
Photo Credit: USA Today Images
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Brandon Graham (Last Week: Not Ranked) - If you're not an Eagles fan, you might want to skip over this week's BITW rankings. Honestly though, I've waited my whole life for this. A lot more people have waited a lot longer. When Brandon Graham strip-sacked Tom Brady last night and rookie Derek Barnett recovered, I audibly yelled WE WON THE SUPER BOWL in my living room even though the game still had quite a bit of drama left. But honestly, the pass rush didn't get there all night until that point, but it was at the most clutch moment. Sometimes, it's not performing all the time, but performing at the right time. Graham was maligned when he was picked and for the first few years afterwards, when Jason Pierre-Paul and Earl Thomas seemingly outperformed him. However, he rounded out and became maybe the best defensive player taken in his draft class outside of Ndamukong Suh. And now, he doesn't have to worry about buying a drink in the city of Philadelphia ever again. Also, he has a Booty-Os lunchbox in his locker. GOAT.

2. Nick Foles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I was as down on Foles as anyone when he came in for Carson Wentz after his injury. Foles wasn't good after his 27 touchdown, two interception year here, and he was dreadful for the Rams after being traded there. But over the last two and a half playoff games, no one played better under center than Big Dick Nick, whose only interception came in the Super Bowl on a juggling bobble. The best highlight, however, was him catching a touchdown pass in the waning moments of the first half, not five minutes after Brady dropped a pass on a similar gadget play. It was maybe the only way the Eagles could have won their first Super Bowl.

3. Rodney McLeod (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles secondary got beat up a bit, but given they were playing against Brady, Rob Gronkowski, and a cast of annoying White wide receivers, it was to be expected. But McLeod still found time to make a positive highlight by snatching a leaping Brandin Cooks out of the air and powerbombing him to the turf. IT was a Last Ride Undertaker would've been proud of. Or maybe it was more like a high-angle Arn Anderson spinebuster. Either way, kudos to you, Rodney McLeod.

Friday, February 2, 2018

The 2017 TWB 100 Slow Release: 1-25

Riddle kicking off the TWB 100 today, BRO
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
I decided against dragging this out for another week, so the top five will be introed with the rest of the top 25. Sorry! Anyway, the final entries on the list are below. THE SUSPENSE MUST BE KILLING YOU.

25. Matt Riddle
Points: 968
Number of Ballots: 13
Highest Vote: 2nd Place (Chris Gibbons, Dylan Hales)
Last Year’s Ranking: 27th Place

TH: The drawback of Riddle getting more comfortable in wrestling and gaining influence over his creative is his bad habits are starting to come out. That being said, warts and all, he's still an enjoyable watch no matter what the setting, and the floor for his matches is always at least "watchable," with a near infinite ceiling, even against dudes you wouldn't expect like Dan Severn.

Chris Gibbons: It’s strange that Riddle seems to have lost a bit of his luster in 2017 for some, because his in-ring work was just as good if not better than his incredible rookie year in 2016. Part of it might be Riddle’s pure grind – working 146 matches in 2017 compared to 69 (nice) in 2016 according to Cagematch. So when a guy is on almost every major indie show imaginable in big matches, it could be easy to tire on him. But he’s great in just about every context – from long indie “epics” to crazy sprints. Riddle even played with a little bit more hardcore wrestling in 2017, having a great plunder brawl with Chuck Taylor in EVOLVE and having a death match with Matt Tremont in Beyond. Riddle remains one of the most exciting people to see that’s not linked to a major company. I hope he sticks in that role for a while.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Twitter Request Line, Vol. Triple-Deuces

THINKING THIS: EAGLEA
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:



I'm ready to run through a brick wall, Vlad. I swear to God.

The 2017 TWB 100 Slow Release: 26-50

Penta El Zero M snapping arms and starting off this entry of the TWB 100
Photo Credit: Mikey Nolan
The TWB 100 charges into the top half of the list today. But enough of me yammering in an introductory fashion. The list, it resumes now!

50. Pentagón, Jr./Dark/Penta El Zero M
Points: 619
Number of Ballots: 10
Highest Vote: 11th Place (Mat Morgan)
Last Year’s Ranking: 32nd Place

Chris Gibbons: Like his brother, Pentagon can be a bit inconsistent in match effort, but holy hell is his peak incredible. The Cueto Cup to Ultima Lucha Tres was a phenomenal run for Penta in Lucha Underground, and he had plenty of great stuff for the American indies he frequented. His death match with Tremont in CZW was one of the best bloody spectacles of the year, especially considering that it was his fourth match in two days.