Friday, May 12, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

And NEWWWWW #1 contender...
Photo Credit:
Aleister Black: shows up
Victim: feels ashamed and foredoomed and eventually roundhouse kicked in the face
Referee: Winner!
Black: sits malevolently (somehow)

Ember Moon Through The Miracle Of Video Packaging (gesturing to her arm sling): I'm out for next weekend.  But when I come back, I'll be back and better than ever.

Ruby Riot Through The Miracle Of Video Packaging (no arm sling): I'm a small kid who was never supposed to amount to much.  Each tattoo's a story that's a part of me.  And all the sacrifices I made for friends and family will be worth it when I break the mold and win the Women's World Championship.

As If All Of These Things Are Interconnected, Nikki Cross "Earlier Today" Through The Miracle Of Video Packaging: swats at gaffers, bats at the overhead mic Aaaaaasukaaaaaaaaaa.  RuuuuuuuubyyyyyyyY!   Where is Asuka?  And where is my belt?  slowly filling up the screen into absolute darkness I will cross Ruby OUT.  And I will take everything everything everyTHING from Asuka.

Drew McIntyre: The main event'll be great; I'm just disappointed I'm not in the mix.  But like a wise duo once said, there's lots of opportunities, and if there aren't...

#DIY: All we want is our team on team rematch, and until we get it, the line forms behind us.
Tino Sabotelli and Riddick Moss: Since we're here now, the line forms behind us.
#DIY: Knock knock!
Young Money (name TBD): Who's there?
#DIY: You just crossed the line!
Young Money: just crossed the line who?
#DIY: Tomasso punches Riddick in the face, they win in short order with the Impact Sandwich
Master Regal: I can think of no better...
Paul Ellering: ...if you do this, their blood will be on your hands.
Master Regal: Fair enough.  Your tag title rematch next weekend is a ladder match, too.

Kassius Ohno: I'm going to get back up after getting knocked down in my title shot.  I've been getting up and getting back here's made me realize how many new faces there are, Aleister, Drew, Hideo and Roddy in the main...
Andrade Almas: Y yo, perro.
KO1.0: Yes, and you, too, Cien.  For those who aren't bilingual, Party Boy over here insulted me over losing the title shot I had, which is one more than he ever got.  Of course, if he has a real problema with it, I invite him to settle it in un semana con mi.  ¿Es bueno?
Cien: seems nonplussed but fine with it, as is his wont

Roderick Strong: A shot at the gold.  This is why I'm here.
Hideo Itami: I got respect for Roddy and he's great, but after this, I'm going to Chicago and he's Going To Sleep.
Roddy: wrestles
Hideo: counter wrestles
Full Sailors: applaud
Hideo: wrestles
Roddy: counter wrestles
Full Sailors: applaud
Hideo: Nice.
Roddy: Indeed.
Hideo: You wanna beat the crap out of each other now?
Roddy: LETS!  pumphandle backbreaker, backbreaker throw into the apron 
Hideo: Three seg beating?  I'll show you.  kick kick kickity kick, DDT hangman, flying lariat
Roddy: Nope.  Angle Slam!
Hideo: Yeahno.  BOOT!  And now I
Roddy: Get back suplex backbreakered!  And now for the
Hideo: Second rope Falcon Arrow, I concur!
Roddy: Kickout!
Hideo: Merde.
Roddy: Rising knee!  That's it!
Hideo: Knee?  What a fine idea.  BUSIAKU You're a new dad, so I know you need this.
Roddy: But the video new child...
Hideo: And yet, Roderick Strong, GO TO SLEEP.  
Referee: Winner!

After the bell...