Monday, August 14, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

This might be your Takeover main event...but first...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Mauro Ranallo: Tonight, we've got Drew McIntyre and Bobby Roode going face to face--hey, we've only got two shows before TOBKIII, and...

...and Nikki Cross is yelling AOP in the middle of the ring.  throws papers in the air disgustedly

Nikki: AOP!  AOP!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain: join her
the Authors of Pain and Paul Ellering: slowly stalk out
Eric Young: GOT EEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMM jumps Rezar outside and zipties him to the railing Minions, attack!
Minions: do so to Akam via several Killian sentons 
Rezar: drags the rail with him towards the ring
Minions: continue attacking him until he doesn't move, then lay out Akam
Full Sailors: clap with confused, dazed looks in their eyes Are we doing this? ....I...guess...we're doing this?  SAnitY!  SAnitY!  SAnitY!

Mauro: Next Saturday, Ember Moon and Asuka will fight over the NXT Women's World Championship.  But next Wednesday, they will undergo the second most strenuous activity two wrestlers can...a contract signing!

Metro Brothers: We're here!  We've got our Deuce and Domino cosplay on!
Street Profits: AWWW WE UP IN HERE WE JACKED CRYME TYME'S OLD STEEZ WE DEFINITELY WINNIN SON
Metro Brothers: ...yeah, we ain't winning this.
Street Profits: Pop up spinebuster!  Frog splash!  MIX IT UP WIT DA RED CUP YUSSSSSSSSS

Mauro: Since he couldn't jump him last week or after the show in the parking lot, Hideo Itami gets to face Aleister Black at TOBKIII!  Yeah, I....I don't quite get it either.

Bobby Roode: Mr. Regal...Drew...I got this security detail with me to protect us all from Roderick Strong and to protect the big money match coming to Brooklyn.  You think I'm entitled?  YOU DAMN RIGHT.  See, I didn't need a second chance, and everything I ever said on this show came to pass--that's why I'M The Champ.
Drew McIntyre: Well, you're honest.  And you might have the best year of any NXT Champion to date.  You're also still a jackass, since you believe that broken sewage pipe disguised as a mouth of yours...
Roode: Why wouldn't I?
DMC: And when I Claymore you off the pedestal you made for yourself, I'LL be The Champ. 
Master Regal: Hey!  Nonononono Roderick, I warned you...
Roderick Strong: ...and I warned you.  I'm not done.  He disrespected my family and me as a man.  I want a fight.  You man enough...Champ?
Roode: Listen here, trailer park boy.  Mr. Regal, I got this.  I already beat your ass once, and I'll do it again with the belt on the line I'm so unafraid of you!

...well, as long as you go through Drew here next week.

Everybody: oh snap
Roode: You win that...and I'll see you after Takeover.
Regal: I make the matches.
Drew: Then do it.  Maybe The Champ likes his vacays, but I'll fight anybody, anywhere, anytime, and I can beat the both of them next week and be NXT World Champion before you can say "Welcome to an overly bloated and less critically acclaimed SummerSlam for the third straight year!"
Roode: See?!  Drew wants it!  Roddy wants it!  Even the (sotto voce) can't believe I'm about to say this crap (/) NXT UNIVERSE
Full Sailors: That's us HOORAY
Roode: wants it.  So do it.
Full Sailors: Make the match!  Make the match!
Regal: Since these people indirectly sign my paychecks, it will happen.  But the main event for Brooklyn is still on.  Roddy must win next week to get another shot, and it won't happen until after Takeover.
Roode: What a great match!  It'll be, dare I say it?  GLORIOUS!  Thank you, Mr. Regal.  Thank you.  Handshake?
Drew: glares at him
Roode: You know what?  Fair enough.
Mauro: ...is it just me or did Bobby Roode get his number one contender to fight his most passionate rival half a week before Takeover with no physical consequences for himself whatsoever?
Nigel and Percy: Oh, no, that's definitely what just happened.
Mauro: Just checking.

Johnny: Last year's Brooklyn Takeover was my first. Where it all began, even if I was doing it with New Voldemort. Getting all that love put me on the path to becoming a champion, and I haven't looked back since.  I haven't missed a Takeover since and I'll be married to Joey Ryan if I miss one in Brooklyn, let alone this one.  I want a match.

Oney Lorcan: wrestles
Danny Burch: counter wrestles
Full Sailors: applaud
Oney: Well, enough of that.
Danny: Yeah.
Oney: Alabama Slam into the corner!
Burch: Owen style dropkick!  Tower of London!
Oney: Kickout!  Flying Blockbuster!
Burch: Kickout!  Open-handed slaps to the jaw!
Oney: Gotcha!  Half crab!
Burch: You're not getting me twice!  Upkicks!
Oney: Sure I am... BOSTON CRAB!  And I'm from there, too, so
Burch: Counter rollup!
Referee: Winner?   Uh...yeah.  Winner!
Oney: wait what
Burch: Yes!  Well done again, mate.  proffers the Hand of Friendship
Oney: slaps it hard
Burch: What's that about, then?
Oney: You're right.  shakes
Burch: holds the ropes open
Oney: leaves
Burch: How about that, eh?
Full Sailors: cheer

No Way Jose: dances
Andrade "Cien" Almas: Tranq
Zerlina Vega: No.
Cien: Pero tranquil
Zerlina: NO.  It's time to wake up.
Cien: Okay.  beats the crap out of Jose, Knees Express, hammerlock DDT
Referee: Wow, that was fast.  Did Jose even...uh, anyway, winner!
Zerlina: Your Golden Boy "Juan Lucha" needs a match?  We can punch that ticket.
Cien: nods