Thursday, December 7, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Who's one more (hopefully kick-ass) match away from being number one contender?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Master Regal: Welcome to NXT.  With Drew McIntyre out due to injury, an opportunity has opened up in the #1 contendership to face our new champion, Andrade "Cien" Almas, in Philadelphia at our next Takeover.

There will be four qualifying singles matches and then a fatal four way, the winner of which will get the title shot in Philadelphia.

Tonight, the first two of those occur as Killian Dain faces Trent Seven and Kassius Ohno... well, he was supposed to face the Velveteen Dream, who is still injured.  But he will face a worthy competitor nevertheless tonight.  Best of luck to all the competitors.

Zelina Vega and Andrade "Cien" Almas: swag their way out
Full Sailors: split reaction
Zerlina: You are all witnesses to the beginning of a historical championship reign!
Full Sailors: see earlier
Zelina: Respect the man...embrace the legend...rise for your NXT Champion, El Idolo, Andrade "Cien" Almas!
Full Sailors: see earlier but add si y no
Cien: I TOLD YOU!  I TOLD YOU!  I AM THE CHAMPION!  I AM THE CHAMPION!  I'M GOING TO KEEP SAYING IT, TOO!
Full Sailors: guess
Cien: I beat Drew, I'm sorry.  I hurt Drew, sorry.  I've been in line waiting a long time, lo siento.  multiple things in Spanish
Full Sailors: que
Cien: I AM THE NEW NXT CHAMPION!  EL IDOLO!  mic drop
Full Sailors: ohhhh

Faceless Drone: Lars Sullivan, what are your thoughts about facing Roderick Strong in two weeks in a number one contendership qualifier?
Lars: Hey, Rod's a hell of a guy.  Handsome man, should be on the cover of a fitness magazine or something, right?  chuckles lightly Well, that ain't me.  Roddy likes to talk about his family, and I have no family.  In two weeks I face him, and that puts me a step closer to holding up the NXT Championship in Philadelphia.
Another FD, Maybe The Same One, Whatevs: What would it mean to you to become NXT Champion?
Lars: It'd mean...it'd mean that I am the kind of superstar that I always knew I was.  Nothing will stop me, not Roddy, not Cien, nothing.  The championship will be in my hands.
Faceless Drones: Lars!  Lars!  One more question!
Lars: looks at them
They: shut up
He: leaves

Trent Seven: comes out avuncularly, making sure he is properly groomed
Announce Team: Trent Seven earned his spot by winning a battle royal in Lakeland, as you can see by this social media post!
Killian Dain: comes out
TVII: Huh.  Okay.  ATTACK!
KD: swats him
TVII: Maybe I can
KD: Shotgun dropkick!
TVII: Okay, this isn't good.  Mighty chop!  Mighty chop!
KD: Bring it!
TVII: Done!  I kick your knee like so!
KD: ow
TVII: DDT!  Backfist!
KD: FLYING BODYPRESS
Mauro: That's the Divide!
TVII: barely kicks out  My last chance here, then ******* LARIAT!
KD: kicks out late
TVII: tries to pick up Killian and fails
KD: Wasteland!  Senton!  Vader BOMB!
Referee: Winner!

Some Guy: We said we'd run this place.  We do.  We put a stamp on it by not only surviving but winning the most barbaric match in NXT history.    Next week, it's me, Adam Cole
Pretty Much Everybody: BAY BAY
Adam Cole: against Aleister Black.  Yeah, he's run through everybody in front of him so far.  But the people he's been running through aren't on my level, and he never will be.
ReDragon: And the week after that, we get our shot at the NXT World Tag Team Titles!  Can't wait to shine those up and show them off.
Cole: In Brooklyn, we shocked the system (boom), at WarGames we took it over, and now we rule the system.

Ruby Riot: takes a break from her Tuesday duties, disrupting the time-space continuum
Sonya Deville: same but Mondays No holds barred.  No rope breaks to save you from me now.  takes her down twice and hits a gutwrench suplex
Ruby: powers her into the corner and lands some shots Overhead kick!
Sonya: HA!  Saw it coming, anklelock!  No Ember to fly out of the sky this time, either!
Ruby: crawls for then gets the ropes
Referee: This is no holds barred!  She doesn't need to break the hold!
Ruby: Oh, for the love of crumb cake...uses her hands to "crawl" up the ropes, then Deadly Nightshades Sonya into th emiddle rope before selling her leg
Announce: During the break Ruby got on this bodyscissored dragon sleeper we're showing you now that we're back!
Sonya: rakes the eyes then starts targeting the ribs
Nigel McGuiness: So smart.  First thing I'd do in a match like this is blind my opponent.  You can't see what you can't hit!
Mauro: I think the saying is the other way around, Nigel
Nigel: IT WORKS REGARDLESS
Sonya: puts on a side head & arm triangle, then a modified cobra clutch
Ruby: eventually gets out from under STO!  Step through flying Flatliner!
Referee: Kickout!
Ruby: TOPE SUICIDA!  Ha!  And here I was slightly worried about hurting my leg worse.  Now, to re enter the ring and finish off
Sonya: kicks her as she comes in, then locks on a triangle
Some Time: passes
Referee: Ring the bell!  Winner!

Facless Drone(s): Ember!  Ember!  What's it like now that you're NXT Women's World Champion?
Ember: It's a dream come true to realize my destiny.  I want to be the best NXT Women's World Champion in history.
Several Thousand People: turn into the Sure thing, Jan GIF momentarily
Team Australia: Yes, Ember?  Question?  Who did you beat at WarGames?
Billie Kay: That was Nikki Cross!
Peyton Royce: That was not Peyton Royce, therefore I deserve a chance to beat you up.
Ember: Fun as it would be to get in an argument with the Upside Down's Clueless, I'll make this easy--who will I face next week?
Team Australia: ME!  Wait, I said me...and you said me...but I want...see, the thing
Ember: Hey--figure it out and I'll see whomever next week.  Byeeeeeeeee!
Peyton: I have unfinished business with her.  I know I can handle it.
Billie: Okay, boo.  But save me some scraps.

Mauro: Like certain recappers called in their column last week, in two weeks we'll have Pete Dunne defending the WWE UK Championship against Tyler Bate!

SN

Kassius Ohno: comes out in Duke gear, playing subtle heel
Mystery Opponent: ends up being Johnathan Grapples
Full Sailors: chant for both men before, during, and for a bit after the bell
Kassius: throws Johnny around a ccouple of times, matches him on the mat, then sends him to the floor with a hard forearm
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT! 
KO1.0: drops the kneepad and knee drops Johnny
Master Regal: mysteriously unavailable for comment but smiling ever so slightly in the back, presumably
Johnny: gets a brief flurry of southpaw grammar in
K01.0:  kicks him in the face real hard
Johnny: ow.  still, though. Knees up on the senton!  Flying rana out of the corner!  Step up Owenzuigiri!  And now to dive on you!
KO1.0: Nope!
Johnny: Quick recovery!  Now to Superman spear you! 
KO1.0: Aw, dammitKickout!
Full Sailors: again with the split reactions
Johnny: kicks Kassius in the face
KO1.0: laughs
Johnny: repeats
KO1.0: same 
Johnny: Rollthrough kick!
KO1.0: Ducked!  Block this senton!
Johnny: fails to do so, rolls out to the apron
KO1.0: Are you done?
Johnny: (clearly groggy) Bring it on.
KO1.0: Huh.  KICK IN THE FACE!
Johnny: sluices out to the floor
KO1.0: Diiiiiiiiiiive!  PSYCH I bet you thought I was going to -- where are you
Johnny: TOPE SUICIDA INTO A DDT INTO THE RAMP!
KO1.0: ...oh, that's not good.
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Johnny: Running enzugiri!  You're gonna
KO1.0: CYCLONE KICK YOU IN THE FACE, SURE!
Referee: Kickout!
Dueling Chants: get louder
Johnny: Victory roll!
Referee: lol whut
Johnny: uhhhhh... random offense!  All the random offense!  Something stick!
KO1.0: PUMP KICK!  DIVING ENZUI FOREARM!  COUNT THAT SHIT!
Referee: One!  Two!  ThreewhaHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Everybody: loses their shit.  even you.
Full Sailors:  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  THIS IS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap  THIS IS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap
KO1.0: Fine, then.  takes the sleeve off to reveal the Bullha--uh, Forearm of Epic Death or something
Johnny: Superkick in the gut!
KO1.0: ow
Johnny: Superkick in the knee!
KO1.0: this is even worse
Two Brothers In Rancho Cucamonga: this is some bullshit is what it is
Johnny: Superkick in the face!  Around the world Gargano Escape!  Tap!  Taaaaaaaaap!  Tap, damn you, tap!
KO1.0: ...fine.  does so
Referee: Winner!
Everybody, Even You: applauds
Replays: there are many
Johnny: Kash, come back.
KO1.0: gets on the apron
Johnny: extends forearm
KO1.0: bumps it and leaves, then says off mic something like Since you won, you better win the belt, too.  leaves
Johnny: celebrates in the ring while the Full Sailors applaud and the credits roll